#SwedenIncident: Shalampax is not immune

February 19th, 2017 No comments
#SwedenIncident (or not)

#SwedenIncident (or not)

Have you heard the one about the #SwedenIncident? On Saturday, February 18, 2017, Donald Trump held what was essentially an election campaign rally. My audience is primarily Shalmpaxians, not Americans, so I should point out that he’s the so-called President of the United States of America. Some people call it the divided States of America, but those are only people who know the country well.

Trump was inaugurated not quite a month prior to the rally. The next election is about three and three-quarter years away. Why Trump held a campaign rally under those circumstances is a complete mystery. But, never mind. That’s not what I’m writing about today.

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Categories: Miscellaneous Tags:

Trump Affective Disorder: Mushrooming global menace

February 15th, 2017 No comments
Trump Affective Disorder (TAD)

Trump Affective Disorder (TAD)

Shalampax’s Chief Medical Officer, Tuboflard, asked me to pass along urgent information about a frightening condition, Trump Affective Disorder (TAD). TAD is a mushrooming global menace.

The medical community already widely recognizes Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Because Shalampax is located close to the equator, our people rarely suffer from SAD. Besides, because our climate is almost perpetually gloomy, our weather pretty well always depresses us. So it’s not a seasonal thing for us. That is apropos of nothing.

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Categories: Health Advisory Tags:

Travel Ban: Did Shalampax Inspire Donald Trump?

February 7th, 2017 No comments
Travel ban: We just don't like other people

Travel ban: We just don’t like other people

There is much talk around the world about Donald Trump’s travel ban. Heated discussions on the subject take place in or on kitchens, living rooms, dining rooms, bedrooms, backyards, front porches, salons, saloons, bars, pubs, restaurants, airports, patios, parks, public squares, sidewalks, and brothels. Well, OK, I’m not so sure about brothels. People may talk about other things there. But, many people certainly talk about the Trumpian ban in all of those other places.

There is, nevertheless, one place where people, for the most part, don’t talk about it. At all. The silence of Shalampax’s official channels is conspicuous. There’s a reason for our reticence. We’ve always banned all foreigners from our island nation. Thus, it would be hypocritical for us to criticize Trump’s travel ban.

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Categories: Government, SoggyTrumpCard Tags:

Fake News Conspiracy Theorist Appointed National Security Advisor

December 9th, 2016 No comments
Prime Minister Aims to Dominate Fake News Industry

Prime Minister Aims to Dominate Fake News Industry

One week ago, SoggyTrumpCard, Shalampax’s Prime Minister, appointed the country’s leading conspiracy theorist and fake news fabricator, MicaFlint, as her National Security Advisor and Chief of Strategy. She announced the appointment only today.

When asked why it took her a full week to make the appointment public, she responded, “I like to surprise people. That’s what’s been wrong with our recent leaders. They forgot about the element of surprise. What losers! Not me. I wanted to surprise people. And I did! Believe me!”

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Build That Wall!: SoggyTrumpCard’s Top Priority

December 3rd, 2016 No comments
Build That Wall!

Build That Wall! (Artist’s rendering.)

Shalampax’s Prime Minister, SoggyTrumpCard, today announced that her number one priority is to “build that wall!”

If you have been paying attention and give a damn, neither of which are normal for Shalampaxians, you might very well ask, what wall? I didn’t know either. So I asked her. It seems that our Prime Minister is determined to build a wall around the  full circumference of our tiny island nation.

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Categories: SoggyTrumpCard Tags:

Post-Factual Politics: “Facts” & “truth” are outdated

December 2nd, 2016 No comments
Post-Factual Politics

Post-Factual Politics

SoggyTrumpCard, our new Prime Minister, often makes statements that, shall we say, lack a certain degree of truthfulness. To be clear, “lack a certain degree of truthfulness” typically means they aren’t the least bit truthful. Or, as I argue below, they’re part of the new “post-factual politics.”

For example, she recently stated, “I won the popular vote for Prime Minister by a huge margin.” In fact, this is false. She didn’t win any votes. No one ran against her. She won by acclamation. Therefore, she received exactly zero votes.

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Categories: SoggyTrumpCard Tags: