The Ides of March was almost a week ago and it was a completely uneventful day here in Shalampax. In fact, it was so humdrum that I totally missed it.
Ho-hum. There’s never a Roman around when you need one.
Shalampax’s automated, voice simulation, dial-in time system has now been enhanced. Rather than being able to say only, “at the tone, it will be exactly six p.m.,” as was the case when the system was installed, it can now speak any time, as one would expect from such a system.
It is not part of Paahlmism, our national religion, but some religions, such as Islam and Judaism, have dietary laws against eating pork products. Here’s what I was wondering: If a few of the people in those religions become pigheaded, are they allowed to eat anything at all?
I mean, wouldn’t anything they put into their mouths become contaminated? I was just wondering because I didn’t have anything better to do.
It has only been a few days since Spams R Us announced that everything it sold now comes with a lifetime guarantee, but the company has already received a warrantee claim.
Some guy named Bert Peenberger downloaded Spams R Us’ free male enhancement smart phone application. As per the installation instructions, he ignored the spyware warnings that his smart phone flashed up while the app was installing.
Bert then used his credit card and the activation function in the male enhancement application to pay Spams R Us the $29.99 required to activate the software. With that done, he started the application running and, as per the instructions on the screen, he placed his smart phone in his right front pants pocket and left it there with the application running for 30 minutes while he laid in a prone position and entered a Zen-like trance.
To be on the safe side, Bert left the application running for an additional 15 minutes. He would have left it longer, but a sexually exciting vibration in his pocket told him that a call was coming in on his phone. It was his credit card company. He had exceeded his credit limit because of the $10,000 that had been paid to the HotWetSkin Porn Download company in the last 45 minutes.
Yesterday, Shalampax’s Parliament passed a “ways and means” motion authorizing an expenditure for new furniture in the offices of Members of Parliament. The couches that are currently in their offices will be replaced with automated fold-out beds.
Once the new couches are in place, when Parliament is not in session and Members of Parliament are “working” in their offices, they’ll be able to push a button and the couch will automatically fold out into a bed. Members will then be able to take much more comfortable naps—or whatever—in their offices than is currently possible.
The Parliament of Shalampax is currently undertaking a thorough review of our nation’s environmental policies. Nothing is finalized yet, but a bold new strategy is being proposed.
The plan is to import significant quantities of the most dirty-burning fuel available, buy several internal combustion engines, and then run those engines non-stop, around the clock. The engines won’t actually drive anything.
Shalampax will then shut off or reduce the operating hours of one or more of the engines in return for other nations buying carbon credits from us.
