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Matrimonial Bargain

The Justice of the Peace in Shalampax, who is responsible for registering and officiating at both weddings and divorces, has just announced a terrific deal. For a limited time, if you buy and prepay a marriage license and divorce decree at the same time, you’ll pay the full price for the marriage license, but you’ll receive the divorce decree at just 50 percent of the normal price.

This offer is open for only two weeks, so you’ll have to act quickly. Don’t worry. The marriage license and divorce decree are blank and can be used at any time. So, even if you’re not ready to get married or divorced, you can take advantage of this astounding bargain now and then fill in the date and the appropriate names when you’re ready.

Consider these facts:

  • 90 percent of all marriages in Shalampax end in divorce.
  • Seven percent of marriages here end when one or both of the spouses dies within a month of the wedding
  • Only three percent of marriages are considered to be successful, and then only when using the loosest definition of the word “successful.”

When you look at in that context, this is a deal you don’t want to miss.

There is no limit on how many marriage certificates and divorce decrees you can buy under this offer. You should probably stock up because, let’s face it, considering the matrimonial track record of most Shalampaxians, you’re probably going to need a lot.

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  1. August 7th, 2010 at 17:21 | #1

    I think that half price may work better, as these people are probably so tight with their money that they would not consider 1/2 off the second pair of shoes as being any kind of a real sale.

  2. August 7th, 2010 at 17:43 | #2

    @Gary Anderson: Hey! That’s insulting. You’re talking about my compatriots. How the hell do you know them so well?