Space-Time Repairs
Never let it be said that the Government of Shalampax doesn’t do much to foster innovation. It doesn’t, but it’s considered to be a social faux pas to mention it.
The government is considering doing something to change that, which is to say that it might change its indifference toward innovation, not change the reticence to discuss its failings. Pencilonear, Shalampax’s self-proclaimed scientist, has applied to the government for a grant that he intends to use to prove his theory that it is possible to repair tears in the space-time fabric by using an ordinary kitchen spatula to apply a precisely formulated mixture of Dijon mustard and cornstarch to the tear.
For competitive reasons, Pencilonear refuses to divulge the exact ratio of Dijon mustard to cornstarch in his formula. Likewise, he will not reveal whether he will use a metal spatula or a plastic one, or if it makes any difference. For similar reasons, he will also not disclose how he proposes to find or create rifts in the space-time fabric on which he can test his theory.
The government is said to be strongly in favor of granting Pencilonear the necessary funds on the condition that he will buy five times as much Dijon mustard as he requires and that he will then divide the extra up among the Members of Parliament.
