Pick Your Nose Day
Yesterday, Shalampax’s Chief Building-Systems Engineer, Brokencorkscrew, fell asleep at the switch. Literally.
Almost immediately after beginning her shift, Brokencorkscrew dosed off. When her head slumped down on the control panel in front of her it inadvertently nudged the switch for our building’s central dehumidification system to its maximum position.
To ensure that the dehumidification system would always be adequate to handle our comfort requirements, the system was intentionally over-engineered. It was designed to accommodate humidity levels as much as ten times higher than the worst of what we normally experience. And, because we contend with near-constant tropical storms, that’s saying a lot.
Brokencorkscrew remained asleep with her head on the switch for the entire eight hours of her shift. The hyperactive dehumidifier problem was not noticed until the nightshift engineer came in to replace her.
Unfortunately, the nightshift engineer was not authorized to change the position of the switch without written approval from a member of Cabinet. Consequently, the problem was not rectified until permission to restore the switch to its original position was granted 12 hours later.
On the upside, this will go down in the annals of Shalampax history as the fastest that anyone in the government, particularly Cabinet, has ever made a decision. A hearty round of applause for the fast action of the government is certainly in order.
The upshot is that our building did not contain so much as a molecule of moisture for several hours. As a result, the mucus in all Shalampaxians’ noses entirely dried out. It is now rock-solid and defies attempts at rehydration.
Because the hardened condition of the snot in people’s noses makes it impossible to dislodge the snot by simply blowing, Shalampax’s Chief Medical Officer recommends that citizens pick their noses to clear any blockages.
In an action that is, admittedly, unnecessary in Shalampax, to ensure that there will be no social stigma attached to today’s necessary nose picking, the government has declared today to be National Pick Your Nose Day.
Tomorrow, you may return to picking your nose as normal, but your actions will no longer carry an official government-proclaimed mandate.
Some people have called for Brokencorkscrew, who is grossly overpaid, to be immediately fired for falling asleep at the switch. However, our Prime Minister, Manexposinghimself, loudly declared that it is his solemn duty to stand up for civil servants. Therefore, while he has taken unspecified disciplinary action against Brokencorkscrew, he categorically refuses to fire his mistress.
“Considering what we were doing in her office shortly before she started her shift,” said Manexposinghimself, “it’s perfectly understandable that she was exhausted. I too was totally bushed, no pun intended. I skipped a scheduled Cabinet meeting and fell asleep as soon as I arrived back home immediately after our escapade in her office. So it would be unfair of me to come down on her too harshly, particularly if I want her to go down on me again in the future, if you catch my drift.”
