Shalampax Speaks

Researchers at the Shalampax Medical Clinic claim that Shalampax is suffering one of its frequent major epidemics of ergophobia, a fear of work. However, there is still considerable vociferous debate among the researchers as to whether my use of the word “suffering” is appropriate. Many of them think it would be more accurate to say, “enjoying.”

The researchers came to their diagnosis of an ergophobia epidemic not as the result of any scientific studies, but rather by listening to frequent anecdotal evidence told to them during the many long, consecutive days that they spent—and are still spending—hanging out at the pub.

Despite being reasonably certain that this is an ergophobia epidemic, psychiatry and psychology professionals have not yet been able categorically confirm that diagnosis. Ergophobia is particularly difficult to diagnose in Shalampax because most Shalampaxians are extraordinarily lazy by nature.

Laziness and ergophobia are two very different things. People all over the world should have compassion for ergophobia sufferers. In contrast, outside of Shalampax, derision might be a more appropriate response when encountering indolence. Inside Shalampax it’s accepted as the norm.

Unfortunately, on the surface, laziness and ergophobia look very much alike to the casual observer. And Shalampaxian diagnosticians are not particularly interested in being much more than casual observers at the moment. Hence the inability to confirm that there is now an ergophobia epidemic in Shalampax.

Ergophobia can be severe and stubborn, but it is treatable with therapy, medication, or both. Unfortunately, all of the therapists, psychiatrists and psychologists at the Shalampax Medical Clinic are victims of the alleged epidemic and are now suffering from severe ergophobia. Consequently, none of them are available to provide the necessary treatment.

I’ll keep performing my reporting duties here at Shalampax Speaks as long as I can, but I fear (or is that hope?) that I too might develop ergophobia. I apologize in advance if that happens.