Next Wednesday, in meeting room 4C, Toiletoverflowing will present the next in his series of philosophy lectures. This time, he will dissect the philosophy of Kant.
Next Wednesday’s lecture will be somewhat unique for Toiletoverflowing in that it will be divided into three segments. Attendees will be served milk and cookies in the intermissions. Participants will also be encouraged to take brief naps during these breaks.
In the first part of the lecture Toiletoverflowing will present an overview of the philosophy of Kant. He will focus on the extreme negativity of the Kant viewpoint.
During the middle segment, Toiletoverflowing will question why so many philosophers, philosophy students, philosophers’ biographers and others insist on misspelling the word as “Kant.”
A couple of days ago I had the pleasure—and, surprisingly, I do mean pleasure—of attending another of Toiletoverflowing’s talks on philosophy. In his lecture he endeavored to prove that a god must exist.
Here in Shalampax, we believe that Paahlm is God. Or, more to the point, we pretend to believe that Paahlm is God because Paahlmism offers lots of holidays. Other people have other concepts of God, but the specific god-belief was not germane to Toiletoverflowing’s line of reasoning.
Toiletoverflowing offered liquid-filled chocolates as his proof of a god. I don’t mean to say that he offered us real liquid-filled chocolates, but rather that he suggested that their existence proves the existence of a god.
His argument was that the inner liquid could not hold its shape without the chocolate shell. And the chocolate shell without its filling would be so flimsy as to collapse at the slightest touch. What’s more, the empty shell certainly wouldn’t survive the shipping process intact. Thus, neither the filling nor the shell could have evolved in isolation and, therefore, there must have been a god to create them in perfect synchronicity.
It had been a few weeks since Toiletoverflowing held one of his delightfully spurned lectures on philosophy, but he was back at the lectern yesterday with a rare lunchtime talk.
In the past, he has discussed some of the deepest of philosophical thought from noted philosophers of yesterday and today, and from around the world. His topics have included an examination of Pascal’s declaration “I think therefore I am.” And he has addressed some of the crucial subcomponents of classic philosophy, such as being and nothingness, epistemology and mind/body duality. Prior to yesterday, he most recently discussed one of the more common philosophical maxims, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too.”
Yesterday’s talk was focused much closer to home. At his lunchtime lecture, Toiletoverflowing tackled the entire depth and breadth of Shalampaxian philosophy, right down to its finest detail.
It was a short lecture. It turns out that the complete Shalampaxian philosophy, including all of its facets, can be summed up by the question, “What’s for lunch?”
Many people categorize themselves and others as either glass-half-full or glass-half-empty sort of people. As a rule, Shalampaxians don’t think that way.
Our perspective on the glass-half-full or glass-half-empty attitude is, “Who the hell cares about that preposterous, pretentious bullshit. Shut up, leave me alone and let me finish my drink in peace.
“After that, if you want to buy me another round—preferably a full glass, so we don’t have to waste any time dwelling on whether it’s half full or half empty—I’ll certainly accept it.
Next Wednesday, in meeting room 4D, Toiletoverflowing will give another of his mind-numbing talks on philosophy. I don’t think he planned it this way, but it would appear that his sessions are turning into an ongoing series, with lectures consistently held whenever the hell Toiletoverflowing feels like it.
Next week’s talk will be on the mind/body dualism theory, which falls within the philosophy of the mind. Mind/body dualism postulates that the mind and body are two distinct and separate entities.
In the interest of a full and fair examination of this theory, it should be noted that not all philosophers’ minds consider the mind/body dualism theory to be true and even fewer of their bodies believe it.
Toiletoverflowing, one of the few people in Shalampax to have ever read a book, gave a talk on philosophy yesterday. In attendance, in fact, the sole audience member, was Dustball, Shalampax’s official and only statistician.
Considering Toiletoverflowing’s renowned speaking skills, it is not surprising that Dustball slept through most of the lecture. Few are as tedious as Toiletoverflowing and none surpass him when it comes to presenting a monotonous and irksome speech.
Nevertheless, some of Toiletoverflowing’s words did manage to penetrate the veil of sleep and entered Dustball’s subconscious. Toiletoverflowing droned on unheard by man nor beast until he reached the philosophy of René Descartes. The utterance of Descartes’ words “Cogito, ergo sum,” which Toiletoverflowing helpfully translated to the famous ,”I think, therefore I am,” jolted Dustball awake.
“Yes!” thought Dustball. “How could I have not seen the significance of those words until they were uttered by that nincompoop Toiletoverflowing? And how embarrassing it is that it should be Toiletoverflowing who showed me the light!