Asbestos Hedging
Asskisser, one of Shalampax’s most innovative and successful businesspeople, is busy executing one of her biggest, boldest business brainstorms yet. She is quietly buying up as many of the world’s asbestos mines as she can get her hands on.
Of course, I don’t mean literally “get her hands on.” That stuff is almost certainly carcinogenic. Mesothelioma is a particular concern, among other deadly cancers. But you get my point.
What makes this strategy so clever is that in the world beyond Shalampax there are a great many weak-kneed, lily-livered businesspeople who are nervous about mining and selling asbestos due to fears of cancer. As a result, she can pick up the mines for a song—and not a very good song at that; maybe just a poorly hummed ditty.
It is true that asbestos sales have been declining over the years. Business analysts claim this is due to those aforementioned widespread fears of cancer, particularly mesothelioma. But Asskisser knows that these analysts are full of crap. She has sufficient business acumen to know that the real reason for the decline in asbestos sales is an appalling lack of ingenuity and marketing expertise on the part of asbestos sellers.
