Shalampax Speaks

At 3:00 p.m. today, in celebration of Shalampax’s National Military Day, all soldiers in the Shalampax army will ceremonially march in full dress uniform along the third floor’s north hallway. Guns will not be carried as the army doesn’t own any.

The parade will end in the third-floor pub. There, Emptybeerbottle, the only soldier in the Shalampaxian army, will attempt to recruit someone to replace her so she can, in her words, “finally get the hell out of this fucking, joke of an army.”